Thursday, February 25, 2010

Rules Of Real World EMS

I found an old newspaper clipping a few weeks ago when I was digging thru the attic looking for something.  It was a clipping I had saved from the September 2001 edition of Fire News.  Then I remember why I had saved it.  Despite the tragedy of 9/11/01 when we lost 343 of our brother firefighters when the Twin Towers collapsed, Fire News printed an amusing list (trying, I think to give us something to snicker at and forget, for just a second what had happened).  This list was entitled RULES OF REAL WORLD EMS and as a tribute of sorts I'm going to write it down for all of you to peruse.


1. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round: any variation on these themes is a bad thing.

2. Sick people don't bitch.

3. The more equipment you see on an EMT's belt, the newer they are.

4. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.

5. All bleeding stops....eventually.

6. If the child is quiet, be scared.

7. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.

8. If the patient LOOKS sick, then the patient IS sick.

9. If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says.

10. It is generally bad to use the words "holy shit" on scene, in reference to the patient's condition.

11. When responding to a call, always remember that you ambulance was built by the lowest bidder.

12. Never get into the front of the ambulance with someone who is braver than you are.

13. The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional to the number of knuckles tattooed.

14. If you respond to an MVA (motor vehicle accident) after midnight and you don't see a drunk, keep looking-you've missed a patient.

15. A tourniquet around the neck solves all problems.

16. All fevers eventually fall to room temperature.

17. Asystole is a very stable rhythm.

18. A patient's weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in the building.

19. When a call comes in two minutes before shift change, you will always pass your relief one block from the station, and he/she/it will be laughing and waving at you.

20. Universal Precautions- Is it wet? Is it yours? If it is, and it isn't then leave it alone.

21. Death is a stabilization of the patient's condition.

22.Being in Emergency Services means you get to celebrate your holidays with all your friends while on duty.

23. There are two kinds of EMS calls, "Oh shit!" and "Bullshit".

24. The more reflective striping there is on your jumpsuit, the easier it is for the only drunk driver going by the MVA to find you.

25. We are all slaves to the god "Motorola".

26. The stereo must always be louder than the siren.

27. Your patients will get new symptoms after your radio report and pulling up to the ER.

28. Don't get excited about blood unless it's your own.

29. No matter how many times and ways you ask the patient questions, the story will always change once they get into the ER, making you look like an ass.

30. People don't call an ambulance because they didn something right.

31. If they talk, they walk.

32. Working  EMS means knowing how to ask in seven different languages "Where are your shoes?:

Oh yeah, and if you haven't yet, check out FDNY's Line Of Duty Death Memorial Website.....I know a couple of the guys who died.....R.I.P Tommy, Pete and George....your legacy still lives on!

Signing Off 19:41

No comments:

Post a Comment

please feel free to leave me your feedback....thanks!