Pandemic , Election, and a dog named Maisie. Blessed.

This pandemic has been nothing but a shit show.

This election has been nothing but a shit show.

I wanted to mention it but I don't want to discuss it really.  We all know how crappy this year has been.  

The one good thing that came out of this year was my becoming a Mama.

Her name is Maisie Abigail.

She's a light brown Chihuahua Boston Terrier mix.

She will be 3 years old on December 27th.

She loves treats, blankies, her purple dog Lavender, snuggling with her Mama, walkies, visiting human friends, her puzzle toys, going to see Grandpa and Grammie, and her Daddy.

She's amazing.

She arrived from Texas on June 10.  Katie and I drove to New Jersey to pick her up.  I hadn't met her yet but I was assured by the rescue that she was perfect for me.

You know what?  They were absolutely correct.

If you want the perfect dog for you, check out their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/TessK9Rescue/

I can't say enough about their organization.  They are amazing!

I'm so blessed.

Signing off 07:56

Bigger Things

I know.
I haven't updated in a while.
My plan to try to fell apart.

Mom was sick for six years and she took a turn.
She contracted C-Diff.  We think from the dialysis center.  No way to prove it though.
She was in hospital for 2 weeks.
She passed peacefully on March 13, 2019 at 05:25am.  She turned 71 that morning.
We sang Happy Birthday to her at midnight.
When her breathing ceased and her heart stopped we all looked at her in anguish.

Mom 2018

I stepped over to her and checked her pulse.

Nothing.

I turned to my sisters and said that Mom was gone.
We all burst into tears simultaneously.  We hugged and cried and then I went to the nurse's station to let them know she had died.

The first time I said it, "My Mom has died."

She looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry."
I thanked them for caring for her and keeping her comfortable in her last few days on earth.
One of the nurses looked at me and she had tears in her eyes.  She told me Mom was so nice and sweet. She came over and gave me a hug.

That's how Mom was.

That's how she lives on in her daughters, her grandkids, and everyone who knew her.
Her memory is very much alive.
That is the bigger thing that she left behind.
Her kindness, her friendliness, her giving spirit, her sense of humor, her gracious heart, her love of God, her laugh, her brave face fighting cancer from day one.  I could go on forever about Mom.
She was amazing.
She was smart.
She dealt with a lot of crap in her life but always had a positive attitude.
Even at the end of her life.

We will remember her, her friends will remember her, her grandkids will remember her.

One of the bigger things she taught me was to live life to the fullest.
Take risks.
Talk to random people.
Reach out to those who may be lonely.
Live your best life.

She did.
I am too.

Rest In Peace Mom

We Miss You

1948-2019

Signing off 12:15

Demon

Demon                                                                                                                                 

           It seems that every day I hear about another diagnosis.

           Sometimes its a death sentence, and sometimes its not.

           Cancer it seems is a modern demon.

           Going after the rich and poor, the young and old.  No one is spared.

           How fair is it though, who it chooses to take.  As if no one cared?

A toddler before she had a chance to live? A thirtyish father of two who was an inspiration to so many?  A fifty-six-year-old mother? My seventy-three-year-old grandmother?

We prayed for that toddler, that father, that mother, and my grandmother but they all lost the fight.  

We gathered, raised money, cooked food, and cried but in the end that hollow is still left inside.

If cancer does not discriminate, then who is next?  You? Me? The next person you text?

You live life dreading finding that lump.  Worry when you are so tired. Dread that next doctor’s visit or test.  Hoping everything comes out for the best.

For all the prevention in the world, something could be missed and throw you at death’s door, suddenly and without warning.  It happened to my Gram, she was gone two weeks after her diagnosis.  Crushed my soul and I was only sixteen years old……

No system is spared.  Even your own blood can betray you.

And so, we live on……

Watching for that next Facebook post and following her story, wondering about her condition…. 

Putting on a gown and mask outside of her hospital room knowing that any germs could kill her..

Shivering in your uniform in the cold of January, waiting to salute his casket one last time…..

Reading her blog and hoping to hear some good news…..

Over and over it seems, praying for no relapses, for good test results, for continued life.

There are no guarantees in this world, that much I know.  We must press on and live each day to the fullest.  Deal with whatever comes next and hope.

For all those out there fighting the fight, I want nothing but good things for you.

For all those who have lost the fight, we will take care of your families and friends.

Because no one should lose a baby.

No one should watch a loved one’s light be extinguished before their time due to this demon.

This demon we call cancer.

C 2018

Signing Off 11:36

Things that are new

I promised I'd blog again real soon.
Here I am to fulfill that promise to you.
With my current list of things that are new.

Things that are new in my life:

1. My nephew "Little Dude" will be a year old on Friday 10/13
2. Diagnosed with PTSD/Depression/Anxiety in 2015.  Currently in treatment.
3. I've been working with a safety company for 2 years and 3 months.  I love it.
4 Separated from D.  We are living apart and co-parenting Teddy and Grover.
5. My daith piercing in my ear.  Will be following up with a blog on migraines.
6. Came up with an idea for my next tattoo!  It came to me in a dream.  Seriously.
7. I've been to the beach more this summer than in my entire life.
8. Wrecked my Optima (Kiki 2) last December. 😢
9. Got a Sportage just before New Years.  Her name is Indy.  She is amazing.
10.  Finally bought a kayak and its assorted gear.  Love it!

I'll be along to elaborate on some of these soon.

Don't worry.
I promise not to leave you again.

Signing off 14:26

Good afternoon friends!

"Where have I been?" you ask?

Well.....life is weird like that.

I've been here the whole time.

Just not looking to share my world again until some things got sorted out.

I'm in a better space now so here we go again!

Thanks for being patient.

I'll be blogging again VERY soon.

Signing off 14:12

I'm not too good at this blogging thing....

So I've just realized that I haven't posted on the blog in over a year. I've done a few things on the Facebook page but nothing here on the actual blog. I need to log on tomorrow and clean the blog up a bit. Some big changes have happened and I need to acknowledge them. Until tomorrow.


Signing off 21:05

30 Days of Thanks- Days 1-15

Several of my friends on Facebook have been posting something they are thankful for every day for the month of November.  I decided to write a blog about it instead.  So here are days 1-15:

November 1st:  I am thankful for my life.  I love being alive and I love my life.  Thanks for creating me Dad and Mom!

November 2nd: I am thankful that I got to know my Grandma and that she was such a big part of my life.  I miss her every day and hope she would be proud of the woman I have become.

November 3rd: I am thankful that I knew my Nana.  She had such an influence on who I am today and I miss her so much.

November 4th:  I am thankful for my awesome Dad who took on the role as sole caregiver when I was young.  He did a great job raising us and I am so proud that I got to follow in his footsteps and join the fire department.

November 5th: I am thankful for my Mom and the fact that we have a relationship despite her absence for some of my life.  I am also glad that her treatments are working and she is beating her illness!!

November 6th: I am thankful for my wonderful Fiance, D.  He is truly my best friend and I am so lucky to have him in my life.  We will be getting married in 6 months and I can't wait to be his wife!!

November 7th: I am thankful for my ferret Teddy.  He is super awesome and I love him so much. 

November 8th:  I am thankful for my ferret Grover.  He is the perfect addition to our family and quite a personality.  I love him so very much.

November 9th: I am thankful for my job.  I love what I do for a living and am blessed that I get to have so much fun at work.

November 10th: I am thankful for my sisters J and S.  I couldn't ask for two better sisters and am so lucky that I got them!!

November 11th:  I am thankful for the LVFD.  I love being a member and helping our community.  It's so much fun!!!!

November 12th:  I am thankful for my health.  I have a few medical issues but mostly they don't bother me.  I am thankful that I am able to be well enough to live my life, enjoy my hobbies, and work full time.

November 13th: I am thankful for the freedom to practice my religion freely and without persecution.

November 14th:  I am thankful for my blog and the fact that I am able to write and entertain people with my writing.

November 15th: I am thankful for my sense of humor (which apparently I got from my Dad)  :D



Stay tuned for Part 2 at the end of November.  Until then remember to BE THANKFUL!!!


Signing off 23:15.